Friday 13th December 2013 was supposed to be one
of the best days of my life, the day of my first 12 week scan. That morning I was
so excited to see my little baby on the screen for the first time, but that was
far from what happened. That day was the start of one hell of a journey.
A long story short after that day I spent a very long 3 days
in hospital and a few months down the line got told I had suffered as ‘Partial
Molar Pregnancy’ you can read my full story on the Miscarriage Association
website.
www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/personal_reflection/jades-story/
www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/personal_reflection/jades-story/
The purpose of this blog post ‘2 years on’ is to discuss my
journey since that day till now. What it’s been like, how I have coped, my
feelings now etc. I really hope people can relate to what I’ve been through and
to those who have been through or are going through a similar situation to know
they are not alone.
Since that very day things have never been the same, people always
say ‘Things will get easier’, yes they will be good and bad days and it may get
‘easier’ but it will never be ‘easy’. There’s not a day that goes by where I don’t
think about what happened and what could have been. At the start I just felt like it was one thing
after another and just as I started to come to terms with what has happened I had
a phone call to tell me I had as molar pregnancy which just terrifying, as I had
never heard of it before all sorts of things run through your mind. Luckily I did
not have to have chemotherapy like some people have to go through, although I did
have to do regular urine and blood samples which was a really scary thing as
every time I was dreading the results and was just waiting for something else
to go wrong. I was glad when that was all over!
This blog post is called ‘2 years on’ even saying that seems
unreal. It is still as raw now as it was then. A horrible situation like losing
a baby is something you will never forget, something that will always stay with
you no matter what. As time goes on I have found ways to cope which I will
explain later in this post. Although you learn how to keep a brave face and
learn how to cope and get on with things, like I said you do get your bad days.
For example signifying dates like the due date. For me it just makes me wonder
what things would be like.
2 years on and I am now proud of where I have come, I have
been able to finish university, got a good job etc. although I would trade all
of that in any day to have my baby here. But most importantly I have used my
horrible situation and done something positive out of it, by raising awareness
and helping other people has really helped me cope with my loss. Since having
the miscarriage/molar pregnancy I have been on a mission to raise awareness and
break the taboo around the subject, but most importantly I want to help others
feel less alone and help them through their loss, hence creating the YouTube
channel, blog etc. I’m really thankful to all the people who have got involved
so far and I really hope it will help them, like it does me and most
importantly I hope our videos and blog posts help those who watch and read
them.
Until you go through something like this you never know what
it is like. This is why I think it is important people should be made aware of
baby loss as it is more common than what people think.
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